My first professional presentation was a disaster.
I walked into the meeting room. Bluish light and cold white metal walls with some residues of mistakenly used permanent markers.
I felt the gaze of the managers on me like African buffaloes looking at a gazelle drinking from their water source. As if they were thinking who is this guy? And who let him into the building?
Dressed in my new suit and glasses, I was two decades younger than the rest. But with my notebook under my arm, I was ready to present the idea that I had been preparing for days.
They turned their eyes away from me back to their laptops. One man continued his conversation with another:
So my son’s teacher called and explained that he may not pass his math exams.
Am I in the wrong movie? I wondered.
So here is my strategy to select our Prio Topics for next year. I said, finally bringing up the courage to interrupt and start my presentation.
They looked at me, arms crossed. Their faces hardened.
What strategy? And what topics?
It felt like my throat was in the pit of my stomach.
Well, regarding the problem you discussed with Mr. Lee last week?
I was still wondering if I was in the wrong movie.
What problem? One of the guys barked. I don’t have a problem.
Another joined: You might be in the wrong room, pal, but uhm thanks.
I gave it another half-hearted try but the battle was lost.
They continued their pointless discussions. They kept interrupting and barking at each other.
By the end of the meeting, we had accomplished nothing.
Welcome to management I thought.
As I was leaving the room one of the younger guys who had been quiet said: Hey about your strategy… let’s have a look.
What emerged from that was a mentorship and my first big learning:
Good ideas are worthless if you can’t package and sell them. And selling starts with the needs of the others. Not with the idea.
Since that day I worked hard on learning:
- How to understand people’s context and needs
- How to solve their problem with my ideas
- How to open the door to people’s attention
- How to explain ideas so that a 10-year-old would understand
Today I’m a manager myself. Solving problems and selling ideas has become my biggest strength.
Here are 5 harsh truths you must understand. And, what you can do to avoid what happened to me.
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Reality Is What People Perceive
Everyone lives in their own reality. It doesn’t matter what you think the problem is. In Business, nobody cares about your idea if it doesn’t solve their problem.
So context is everything: Where are people coming from? What’s their point of view?
Judgment doesn’t help. An open mind does.
What you can do
Ask open-ended situational questions with the intention to learn something new. Listen actively to understand others by:
- Saying things like Yeah and I understand
- Asking follow-up questions
- Mirroring their body language to build rapport and trust
For example: So how is the preparation for 2024 going? What are the topics? How do you achieve consensus on these topics?
Pay attention to the small cues of what and how they say things. What is their communication style?
For example, if they get directly to the point don’t waste time on details and data. If they highlight facts and figures, follow up on those.
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You Have to See the Problem From Their Point of View
In my above story, I had only seen the problem from my limited view. I had assumed everybody would see the same. You saw what happened.
What you can do
Based on your situational questions their challenges become apparent. Now, you can dive deeper into the problems. Ask open-ended questions to explore their problem space. What are the things they are struggling with? Why are those problematic? How did it get to this point?
Picking up the example from above you may ask: How come these discussions need so many meetings and people? What is the reason finding consensus is so tricky?
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What People Say They Need Usually Isn’t What They Really Need
People tend to jump to conclusions. In business fast-thinking is the norm. There is little time nor acceptance for going deep. This is your chance to stand out.
In our previous example, managers might say they need more budget to do more topics. Everything is important. Or, they claim they need more management support to decide.
It’s hard to tell what’s really needed.
What you can do
By asking variations of Why or What would you need a few times you get to the root.
Let’s pick up our example:
You say: Why do you need management support to decide?
Manager: Because we can’t agree among us.
You: Why can’t you agree?
Manager: Because Bob wants A, Sara wants B and I want C.
You: What would you need to know if A, B, or C is more important?
Manager: We would need to know which one is going to make us the most money.
You: What would you need to know that?
Manager: An analysis of these different options.
You: What would you need to do the analysis?
Manager: A team or somebody who knows how to do it and has time…
Interesting!
You see? The problem is not a lack of management support but not knowing the financial impact of the different options.
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Your Idea Needs to Solve Their Problem
Now you understand what the problem is.
In my case, I had known it before, I had a solution prepared but they weren’t aware of the problem.
Now they are and that’s the opportunity to bring up the idea.
However, it’s still easy to lose people. If you jump to the solution too quickly it may be overwhelming for others.
What you can do
Approaching the idea step-by-step increases the odds of acceptance:
- Start with a very brief story or example of a situation where you faced a similar problem
- Explain in one sentence without any details how you solved it
- Say that this would also work in your situation and why
- Instead of telling the secret, ask them for 10 minutes of their time to explain it
For example:
For my last project, we successfully used a simple system to prioritize topics based on their finances. In our case, I think this would give us exactly what we need because the circumstances are the same. Would you give me 10 minutes to explain it to you?
Of course!
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If They Don’t Commit You Likely Didn’t Make it
Let’s assume you explained the idea and they like it. But when you leave the room (or call) they may change their mind. They might talk to their colleagues again and simply discard your idea.
Asking for some form of commitment vastly improves your idea’s odds of survival.
People don’t like to commit unless they feel secure about it. They don’t like to give you a firm Yes when they still have concerns.
What you can do
Close the meeting with the following 3 things:
- Briefly summarize the main points of the discussion
- State what’s next
- Ask for commitment: So can I count on you to support me with my idea?
If they say Yes, congrats you made a big step forward.
If they say No, you have to do another iteration: Follow up on their concerns and see the problem from their view again.
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Key Takeaways
Convincing others of your ideas is just as important as having the idea in the first place.
Accepting these 5 truths about convincing others is crucial for any leader.
- Reality is what people perceive: Ask open-ended situational questions to understand their context
- Understand the problem from their point of view by asking open-ended problem questions
- What people say they need probably isn’t what they really need: Get to the core by asking follow-up questions
- Build up your idea as a solution to their problem step-by-step
- Ask for a commitment to increase your idea’s odds of survival
Who will you convince of your ideas today?
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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The post 5 Harsh Truths About Persuasion I Painfully Wish I Knew Earlier appeared first on The Good Men Project.